Life at a snail's pace....

Oh dear....wrestling with high blood pressure and swollen ankles...enough distress to cancel a planned trip to San Antonio to look at a new retirement community there.  It won't be ready until August but I think it is going to be perfect!  Great floor plans and a WASHER and DRYER in a little utility room...Hallelujah, would that ever be nice!  Doc was encouraging me to go on but I'm glad I didn't!  The additional BP med knocked me for a loop!  I was in no shape to drive for sure.  Heart rate crazy and all I wanted to do was sleep.  No energy and I have to be well soon. Off the new med for now and much improved with very skinny ankles and 5# lighter. You think stress might be doing a number here?  DUH!

 I have a ticket to fly to Denver to visit my niece on next Wednesday with my SIL (our annual Mother's Day treat) so home we stayed this weekend.  I was going to leave hubby with our son's family in San Antonio while I was gone but our doc advised against it as it would be too much for hubby and disorienting.  But plans are in place for hubby to stay here with a combination of caregivers and family.  Our granddaughter is going to spend two nights and daughter will come in one day. I've labeled the remote  for the TV as it is confusing for He=Who and have glued a note with his favorite stations on it on the table under the TV.  Instructions to caregivers say leave the TV on MSNBC when they leave.  He doesn't wander (thank goodness) so he will be fine..Whew!  By damn I am going to be on that plane!!!

Last week He-Who finished his shower and came into the living room all dressed and ready to go to lunch.  The weather has been so warm here so he came in wearing the bottoms to his short pajamas.  Cute, huh, but he was happy to change.  A few days ago he came into the living room after eating his breakfast and greeted me with a warm Happy Birthday kiss...my birthday was weeks ago but hey, I thanked him and have learned to treasure these moments of sweetness.  He was quite proud of himself for remembering that I had a birthday and I am, too.

You gotta have a sense of humor...

The weekend was full of birthday celebration.  Our son came from San Antonio to help me celebrate my hard-to-believe 79th birthday.  We concluded with breakfast out at the Buffalo Grill...always a treat.  He drove us back to Brookdale and was dropping us off in the front on his way out of town.  As I opened my car door, a female resident ran up to the car holding a card and a bouquet of beautiful flowers  shouting "Happy Birthday!".  I was totally puzzled as I hardly know the woman and how did she know it was my birthday???  She took a good look at me and my puzzled "Thank you" and stepped back. "Oh, wrong person.  I thought you were my daughter Laura."  Such is life on the Isle of the Blue Hairs.

Clueless....

Yes, they are both black and there is not much I can do about that!  I've just spent a frustrating hour teaching He-Who_Sleeps-Alot how to use the land line telephone and the TV remote.  He wrote everything down and has now forgotten where he put his notes.  His anxiety is mounting over my departing for 4 days in a couple of weeks.  Lesson for me:  don't tell him until a couple of days before.  I made the mistake of taking him with me to arrange for caregivers to come while I was gone.  My thinking was that if he met with them, he would be more comfortable with the idea.  Wrong!  He can't remember the visit but does remember I am leaving but not when.  Is this a sign we are ready for memory care?  I have mounted in big font important phone numbers right by the phone.  He lost his cell phone weeks ago, no idea where it went...I've searched everywhere.  I cancelled his line as it had not been used in 3 months...he never remembered to take it with him and when he did, he couldn't figure out how to answer it.  The good news it has saved us $100 a month on our bill.

I am still wrestling with being depressed and will talk to the doc about it.  We went to Happy Hour yesterday because He-Who enjoys the music.  I don't even want to go anymore.  The music is so damned loud you can't carry on a conversation I guess because half the people there can't hear well anyway.  Nobody says "Hey, come sit with us."  I'm realizing how isolating this damn disease can be.  The women I enjoy are all widows and get together in clutches and the couples get together but because He-Who doesn't interact we are seldom included unless I push for it.  Am I whining???  Probably but I don't care.

I look at some of these residents and have to wonder why and how do they keep going?  Would I want to keep on keeping on when I can no longer care for myself or contribute in any way other than just maintaining myself?  I'm reading Diane Rehm's new book, On My Own, and it brings up so many questions about life and extending it at what cost to the person and the family.

 Right now physically He-Who is in good shape and most would probably not know anything was amiss until he misses a cue.  What do I mean by that?  Alz people don't pick up on what would be obvious to most of us.  For instance:  he orders shrimp salad for lunch everyday and dips his shrimp in the Ranch dressing rather than the cocktail sauce.  He eats dessert first...all this no big deal.  At a Chinese restaurant large plates are placed in front of us to place servings from the platter of food ordered.  He ignores the plate and eats from the platter.  All of this is no big deal and I ignore it though aware that others dining with us note it.  The point is that it is just some of the little cues that are missed that indicate we have a problem here.  Thank God it isn't a huge one and I remain so grateful for that.

And by God, I am looking to find that joyous person I once was.  Good thing I am going to visit a friend in Tyler for a few days.  Whew!

The Gift of Alzheimer's

     Many years ago I read and reread Ram Das's book, Be Here Now, about living in the present, that is really all we have.  Well, such is the gift of Alzheimer's and sometimes I'm jealous.  All there is is what is right in front of you...no future, no past.  This doesn't make it always easy for the caregiver, the one in charge of keeping life together.
     Today was a great illustration.  He-Who and I had an 11:00 am appointment with our dentist for tomorrow.  We have a long-time relationship with our dentist so continue to drive an hour, sometimes more depending on traffic, to his office near our previous home.  About 9:10 this morning the dentist office called and asked if we could come in today at 11:00 as the weather prediction for tomorrow is for severe storms and flooding.  I agreed whole heartedly as I was already concerned about traveling in such conditions.
      But He-Who was still asleep meaning I had to get everything going in high gear.  High gear is almost impossible with an Alz patient but I got him up, explained the circumstances and laid out his clothes while urging him to get into the shower ASAP.  Gratefully he complied while I raced to get showered and dressed as well.  I ran back in the bedroom to check and he was progressing.  Then I got out his medication and a breakfast drink.  He came out and was puzzled about what we were doing.  I explained again about the call from the dentist and wasn't it great that they were squeezing us in today to avoid the drive in the weather tomorrow.  By now it is 9:45 and he's checking his hearing aids...one is dead, of course, and needs a new battery.  He goes through batteries quickly because he forgets to open them when he takes them off.  So okay I change the battery, he grabs a newspaper to read and we are finally out the door and on the freeway.  Again he asks where we are going.  Again I explain.  He is perfectly relaxed and I am white-knuckled on the steering wheel negotiating the traffic.  Note to self: BE HERE NOW!
     The dentist discovered an abcessed tooth in He-Who, consulted me in the other room about it being removed and I agreed.  In a few minutes He-Who comes into see me wondering what I thought about it.  I assured him it was the correct thing to do because of the infection amazed that he was present enough to be concerned about whether to go ahead.  Nice gift here.
     There is a lesson in all of this and a gift.  I'm the one who gets her panties all in a wad when confronted with an urgent change of plans.  I'm the one who was worried about being late for the appointment when looking at bumper-to-bumper traffic.  He-Who was fine and just along for the ride.  I need to breathe deep and let be what will be and at the same time remind him to brush his teeth.  I, too, am just along for the ride.
   

Always a challenge....

I can laugh about it now but it wasn't funny then.  A couple of days ago He-Who had an appointment at 10:00 am at the Cosco Hearing Aid Center to get his new hearing aids checked.  I had posted the trip on the white board and that departure was at 9:30.  I got him up, got his clothes out and he showered and got ready, breakfast and meds complete.  We arrived at Cosco a few minutes early and sat in the car listening to NPR until the doors opened at 10.  As we were walking through the store toward the hearing center, I said something to him and he didn't hear me.  I looked at him and he didn't have his hearing aids on.  Well, damn.  I asked the tech if he had time to see us if we went home to get them.  He said he thought so and off we went racing back to the apartment.  I waited in the car and he managed to get back with his hearing aids.  Of course, one of them needed a new battery and I got that fixed and off we went again.  Of course by now the parking lot was full and we finally found a place and raced (well, that's debatable...an Alz person doesn't race, more like a saunter but I guess that's safer) into the hearing center.  In we went and all went well.  The tech escalated the volume a little and He-Who left a happy camper.  I was a relieved but sweaty mess.  Good thing I took my BP med that morning.

Wally World...always an adventure

     A new Walmart opened recently near us and He-Who declares it his favorite store and always is eager to go.  So off we went.  He remembers this is where he bought his red broom and pauses as we pass the mops and brooms.  I remind him he already has a nice one.  I pushed the basket through the aisles of the grocery department with a quick side trip to baking for a loaf pan.  How did I not move even one here?  Somewhere along the way He-Who says he wants some soap.  I hate to deny him the pleasure of a purchase choice but had to ask what kind.  He wanted bath soap.  I had to say, "You know the drawer in your bathroom has eight bars in it.  Do you think you need more?"  "No, I guess not," he said disappointingly.  But he did get to pick out the cookies and seemed quite pleased.
     Finally we are at the checkout counter.  He helped load the items on the belt and went to the other side of the now empty basket.  The cashier is very nice and I watch her ring the items up and put them in bags on the carousel.  Then I look over at He-Who and he is emptying the bags one item at a time into the empty basket.  I managed to kindly suggest that he put them back in the bags so that we could get them into the car and apartment with ease.  By now there is a line behind us.  The dear cashier was so sweet and jumped around to load everything back in the bags and into the basket.  I've never had that kind of service from a Walmart employee and thanked her profusely and out we went.  Whew!  Never a dull moment.
     At home I showed him the drawer of soap and he was delighted.

Before I Forget...Such a fine story of a couple dealing with Alzheimer's

There are some 5.2 million Americans with Alzheimer's.  500,000 die every year from this disease.  It is considered by one recent study to be the third leading cause of death in this country.  One in nine Americans over 65 has it: 33% over 85.  200,000 have early on-set...those under 65. Two-thirds of the 5.2 million are women.  African-Americans are twice as likely to get it.  Scary stuff, isn't it?
The chances are overwhelming that as you age, someone near and dear to you will have Alzheimer's.
In my husband's case there is a pattern in his family on his mother's side and among his siblings.

So it is important that we all become informed about this atrocious disease and know how to recognize its symptoms.  I have read a lot of books on Alzheimer's but this is the best so far and reflects the current thinking about causes, treatment and research.  Gasby has done a lot of research on Alz and shares much of his findings and experience as his wife, B. Smith, progresses in the disease.  It is worth the price of the book just for the resources listed in the back.  If any of you reading this have a history of Alz in your family and are concerned about it being passed on to generations, please tell them to consider joining the Brain Register.  Information is gathered that will be critical to research on this illness.  It is a sad story of a beautiful, smart, charming soul with early onset Alzheimer's and the challenges presented to her husband as caregiver.  Thank you B. Smith and Dan Gasby for sharing your story which is the story of many of us affected by this devastating illness.