Here we go again....

Oooh, my back is sore but I have planted tomatoes, squash, marigolds in the vegetable patch and impatiens in the front and red geraniums on the patio.  I just dare winter to make another comeback.  Curb appeal, curb appeal and the tomatoes just because that's what I do.

In the process I discovered that the potted plumeria that I had nurtured for a few years now that my friend gave me was killed by hubby, cut down to the top of the soil in the pot (if it doesn't have leaves, he considers it dead...damn..it was about 4 feet tall......no matter the many times I have told him that it loses its leaves in the winter, to just leave it alone, it will come back...well, not any more.)  Ouch!  When he gets the clippers in his hand, he just goes bananas.  I pray the crepe myrtles will recover.   Sheesh!  I've tried hiding the clippers and he finds them (when he could drive, he would just buy more).  I am sure a psychologist could go crazy with the obsession with the water hose and clippers. I am sad about the plant and can see it as a symbol of the loss of all the hopes and dreams of what we thought our lives might be at this stage, the future we had hoped for now gone.  Now to accept the reality of what is and isn't possible and find joy in it and gratitude for what we are able to do and be with each other.

More reason to get out of here though I wonder what form his compulsive behavior might turn to if we move into independent living...emptying the sugar packets on the table because they clutter????  I pray we find something to keep him really busy while he can still do some things.  In the meantime I praise him for his efforts to clean the flower beds and try to keep my cool and remain grateful that he is still the sweet, kind man I married in many ways.

Hubby is going through the piles and piles of paper in his office but it is slow going as he reads everything and highlights and then cuts them into little pieces almost like confetti.  I can't convince him to put the little pieces in a plastic garbage bag and he just picks them up one by one and hauls them outside to the large garbage can.  I'm sure this endears us no end to the garbage men who watch it rain confetti into their truck.  BUT he found our original marriage certificate in one of the piles...geezus, what the hell? He doesn't remember where he found it but thank God he knew to keep it and give it to me. At least it is now in our safe and I have the key.  I hadn't even missed it but it is clear that we must look through all the piles as God knows what else might be in there.

I called a contractor today to give an estimate on repairs...the same guy who did our remodel but he hasn't called back.  I have two more to give bids.  I hope to get more info on The Meridian in Galveston shortly.  I would feel more comfortable if I had a clearer picture of where we are going to land.  Guess there is always the Motel 6...I hear they keep the light on.

I am reading Where Two Worlds Touch, A Spiritual Journey Through Alzheimer's Disease by Jade C. Angelica.   The best I've read out of at least a dozen on Alzheimer's and caregiving:

     "This long journey home for persons who have Alzheimer's will eventually lead to a fork in the road.  One path leads them into silence, isolation, and loneliness.  The other path, relationship, leads them to a life rich with communication, connection, meaning and love.  Because of the dependent nature of Alzheimer's, especially during the advanced stages, family, caregivers and caring professionals will determine which path those afflicted will travel."  

I'm workin' on it but it ain't easy.