Soon it will be the second anniversary of Ken's sudden illness and transformation into the next realm of being. The memories are still strong but are not as painful. It is easier now to hear those favorite songs like "Waltz Across Texas" or "Can I Have This Dance for the Rest of my Life" and though they can still bring a tear to my eye or make my chin tremble, the feeling is bearable and brief. The sages are right...time does heal.
The following may sound weird but this week on the way home with a friend following a meeting of nearly fifty women at a local burger joint, I had this "ah hah" moment. A realization that I am happy! Really, really happy for the first time in a very long time. My life is on track and good beyond my wildest dreams! My family is all doing great and if there is drama, I'm not involved. I am in a relationship that is fun and comfortable! I have projects going that give me the satisfied feeling of giving back to my community and I have some wonderful girl friends. I am free to come and go as I please and make choices on my behalf.
In the last year I have been to Colorado, to Charleston and Savannah, back to Houston, to Vienna, Germany, Amsterdam along with exploring the Texas hill country with its wineries and glorious sunsets. Soon I will head south back to San Miguel de Allende, Mexico for an art retreat with my delightful companion; Mother's Day I will be in Colorado visiting my in-laws and nieces; in June I'm being treated to a week in Costa Rica with family. I truly have a magical life that I never dreamed of and have to pinch myself to believe it is all real.
All this and I wake up each day with this gorgeous view of the hill country and have so much fun joining in activities here in the retirement community I reside....water aerobics, dinners out, lunches and brunches in.
Now that I am on to up side of the grief process, I am ready to give support to others using my skills as a therapist. Twice a month I lead a grief support group here; death occurs regularly here in this community of aging residents. The loss of spouses and occasionally children seems to strike randomly and all too often around here along with the need for support
Oh Kay....this year didn’t happen quite like we all imagined did it? I’m sorry if your /costa Rica trip was cancelled. I’m so glad to hear that you have a companion-friend. I miss you like crazy and hope that you are well. Sending manny many hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteVerva, this is an old blog so we did get to Costa Rica, San Miguel, all of the above last year. Yes, this year is a whole other story for sure and no end in sight. My gypsy soul is traveling with Zoom...so bizarre. And yes, I miss you, too. I quit posting on this blog last year as I felt my recovery as a care giver was coming to an end. I started the blog to document my experience with Ken and Alheimer's way back. It really helped me process what was going on.
ReplyDeleteHow did you run across my blog?
I used to read your blog regularly but lost track a while back. Then I was looking in a file on my iPad called “favorite blogs” and there you were. I do think of you often dear Kay and maybe we can get to San Antonio after the vaccine is in my body. I hope that your holidays are filled with happy surprises—knowing your spirit like I do I imagine you’ll be the one crating happy surprises for those around you. Sending many e-hugs.
DeleteP.s. I don’t know why my title is Verva and Bob... Bob has been dead for almost 14 years. The internet doesn’t change things .... life sure does 😊
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