Always a challenge....

I can laugh about it now but it wasn't funny then.  A couple of days ago He-Who had an appointment at 10:00 am at the Cosco Hearing Aid Center to get his new hearing aids checked.  I had posted the trip on the white board and that departure was at 9:30.  I got him up, got his clothes out and he showered and got ready, breakfast and meds complete.  We arrived at Cosco a few minutes early and sat in the car listening to NPR until the doors opened at 10.  As we were walking through the store toward the hearing center, I said something to him and he didn't hear me.  I looked at him and he didn't have his hearing aids on.  Well, damn.  I asked the tech if he had time to see us if we went home to get them.  He said he thought so and off we went racing back to the apartment.  I waited in the car and he managed to get back with his hearing aids.  Of course, one of them needed a new battery and I got that fixed and off we went again.  Of course by now the parking lot was full and we finally found a place and raced (well, that's debatable...an Alz person doesn't race, more like a saunter but I guess that's safer) into the hearing center.  In we went and all went well.  The tech escalated the volume a little and He-Who left a happy camper.  I was a relieved but sweaty mess.  Good thing I took my BP med that morning.

Wally World...always an adventure

     A new Walmart opened recently near us and He-Who declares it his favorite store and always is eager to go.  So off we went.  He remembers this is where he bought his red broom and pauses as we pass the mops and brooms.  I remind him he already has a nice one.  I pushed the basket through the aisles of the grocery department with a quick side trip to baking for a loaf pan.  How did I not move even one here?  Somewhere along the way He-Who says he wants some soap.  I hate to deny him the pleasure of a purchase choice but had to ask what kind.  He wanted bath soap.  I had to say, "You know the drawer in your bathroom has eight bars in it.  Do you think you need more?"  "No, I guess not," he said disappointingly.  But he did get to pick out the cookies and seemed quite pleased.
     Finally we are at the checkout counter.  He helped load the items on the belt and went to the other side of the now empty basket.  The cashier is very nice and I watch her ring the items up and put them in bags on the carousel.  Then I look over at He-Who and he is emptying the bags one item at a time into the empty basket.  I managed to kindly suggest that he put them back in the bags so that we could get them into the car and apartment with ease.  By now there is a line behind us.  The dear cashier was so sweet and jumped around to load everything back in the bags and into the basket.  I've never had that kind of service from a Walmart employee and thanked her profusely and out we went.  Whew!  Never a dull moment.
     At home I showed him the drawer of soap and he was delighted.

Before I Forget...Such a fine story of a couple dealing with Alzheimer's

There are some 5.2 million Americans with Alzheimer's.  500,000 die every year from this disease.  It is considered by one recent study to be the third leading cause of death in this country.  One in nine Americans over 65 has it: 33% over 85.  200,000 have early on-set...those under 65. Two-thirds of the 5.2 million are women.  African-Americans are twice as likely to get it.  Scary stuff, isn't it?
The chances are overwhelming that as you age, someone near and dear to you will have Alzheimer's.
In my husband's case there is a pattern in his family on his mother's side and among his siblings.

So it is important that we all become informed about this atrocious disease and know how to recognize its symptoms.  I have read a lot of books on Alzheimer's but this is the best so far and reflects the current thinking about causes, treatment and research.  Gasby has done a lot of research on Alz and shares much of his findings and experience as his wife, B. Smith, progresses in the disease.  It is worth the price of the book just for the resources listed in the back.  If any of you reading this have a history of Alz in your family and are concerned about it being passed on to generations, please tell them to consider joining the Brain Register.  Information is gathered that will be critical to research on this illness.  It is a sad story of a beautiful, smart, charming soul with early onset Alzheimer's and the challenges presented to her husband as caregiver.  Thank you B. Smith and Dan Gasby for sharing your story which is the story of many of us affected by this devastating illness.

The week that wasn't....

Picture is from Christmas....
Good grief!  Am I hard headed?  It takes a lot for me to get the message.  Caregivers are vulnerable!   I am vulnerable as a caregiver!.   A week ago Tuesday everything was falling into place for the trip to Ft. Sill.  My sister-in-law had talked He-Who- Sleeps-Alot into staying with them while I joined our daughter, her partner and granddaughter's boyfriend for the trip to OK. After many questions and explanations of what was in his suitcase along with written instructions to my sister-in-law for his meds and care, he was off to their house.

Even though granddaughter was not graduating, I so wanted to have the brief visit with her.  I hadn't felt really great the day before and after getting all packed with brownies made for granddaughter, I thought I better check my BP and heart rate....holy moly.  The heart rate was really high!  I took it again a few minutes later...still high.  What now!  I called my daughter and told her to go without me.  I didn't want to run the risk of ruining the trip and ending up in some hospital in OK.  I couldn't locate the resident nurse (that's another story) and drove myself to the local ER which sent me on to the hospital for a nuclear lung test to make sure I didn't have a blood clot on my lungs.  It took all day mostly spent in waiting rooms...all came back negative and I am fine.  Evidently the stress of the whole scene had triggered my tachycardia again.  Damn that Lyme Disease which started all this years ago.

So I'm okay but granddaughter isn't.  She has multiple stress fractures and was told she will never be able to have a natural child birth.  She's in Medical Hold and miserable and has little to do.  Of course we are all worried sick (in my case, maybe literally) about her and there is not one damn thing we can do but send her cards and letters, books, coloring books, etc.

But I got a brief respite here at home and He-Who had a great time at his brother's.  And life goes on with Alz.  Yesterday I found the carton of coffee ice cream in the refrigerator instead of the freezer.  Unwashed glasses appear among the mugs on the shelf.  His jackets are on the floor in the dining room and he asks me "How did I enjoy the program?" that his brother had taken him to.  I had to explain I didn't go.  Hmmmm.... he was delighted to be back home with his red broom and sweeping.  I'm grateful that the weather has been beautiful and I welcome the sunshine.

We watch the Republican debate on TV and I have to wonder which is crazier...life here in our apartment or what I'm watching on TV.  What has happened to the Republicans and what has happened to us as a country that we allow such a debacle to continue?  They have lost my respect, much less my vote.  Geezus...isn't there someone to step up and stop this craziness?

So what have I learned as a caregiver?  I have to pay attention to what is going on with me so I can take care of others!  And I think I need to paint!!!

Another dilemma

Our granddaughter is at Ft. Sill, OK for boot camp in the National Guard and the plan has been for the family to drive up for her graduation BUT life is what happens when you are making other plans.  She is not going to graduation as she now has stress fractures on her femur and pelvic bones.  She is in the medical unit and we can only see her on Wednesday for 8 hours instead of the two days of the original plan.  She's miserable, devastated, sees her life plans falling apart.
I was already wishing I didn't have to take He-Who with me as it is so difficult getting him ready for travel and dealing with his confusion when out of his comfort zone.  There are 5 of us planning to go on the trip including him...two in the front and 3 in the back seat...aiiiiyayaiiii for the 6 + hour drive.  BUT he really wants to go, is so worried about our granddaughter that at this point, I can't bring myself to say "no".  If she decides to stay, we won't get to see her for several more months and I think she should stay and stick it out...at least until she heals.  If, down the road, she stays and  gets a medical discharge, she will get VA benefits the rest of her life.  If not, she comes home and has no insurance.
      But right now how do I make this quick trip easiest for us both?  Lots of planning and prep...crazy, huh!
      We had a good day today.  We went with the Brookdale group to the George Bush Library in College Station.  He-Who really enjoyed it and has gone to bed a happy camper.  Lovely!

I'm going to bed and think good thoughts for all of us.  Wish us luck!

Breaking past denial

I know it was a dumb question and I knew what the geriatric doc was going to say when I asked it but I had to.  At what point is hubby ready for a memory care unit?  Of course, even you, dear reader, can guess her answer. "When you can't take care of him anymore."  And when and how do I do that? And why did I feel like I was going to burst into tears. I don't know.  The doc wants me back without him for a talk next week.
There are days he drives me nuts with the same questions over and over.  And not being able to follow the simplest directions and work the remote for the TV.  At this point to most anyone else he seems fine, sweet, pleasant and wanting so much to be helpful that he drives some residents on walkers and scooters crazy trying to help.  He can dress himself but it will be in the same clothes he wore the day before if I don't intervene.  I routinely cruise his closet to find his dirty clothes even though the laundry basket sits on the floor of his closet.  He will not brush his teeth unless I tell him to in spite of the reminder I posted on the bathroom mirror.  And he continues to sleep a lot, I mean a lot, like 12 hours if you count the nodding off in his recliner.
        One of the funny/great things he does now is sweep the porch and the walkways.  He will disappear for an hour or so with his red broom.  It is great exercise for him as he comes in sweaty and it has endeared him to our lil' ol' lady neighbors.  It only concerns me that he frequently can't stand up straight after one of his walks.  If I am out of the apartment, he will leave me a cute little note saying "I've gone for a walk."  Sure enough he and the broom are gone.
     Today I had to laugh.  I had an appointment with the eye doctor for a checkup.  I knew it would take a while as I always have to wait while my eyes dilate.  I was thinking I would go alone but my shadow said, "I want to go with you."  Cautioning him that it would be a long wait for him, he still insisted.  "You might be in a wreck or something so I need to go with you."  I said, "What would you do?"  "I don't know but I need to be there."  Sweet man and so he came along.  He hasn't driven a car in 3 years and never carries his cell phone.
      He still loves to go to movies and eat out.  I order for him as he can't remember what he wanted on the menu but we manage.  I choose the movie and he agrees.  And he is willing to sit there through poetry readings and seems to enjoy them.  So I guess we aren't there yet.
       We are still planning to move to San Antonio to be near our son but I'm dreading pulling up roots again.  More loss.  I knew when we moved here that it would be temporary because this community doesn't have continuing care which we will need at some point.  The doc says go now while He-Who-Sleeps-Alot can still get oriented and I know she is right.  Our son says, "Come now while you can choose.  If you wait for a crisis, you may not have what you would like available."  Sooooo....I am looking around at the apartment and deciding what I can get rid of.  I laugh and think "I don't have time to move."
      San Antonio has more retirement communities to choose from than Houston due to the military wanting to retire there.  We have found several we like, none have the space we have here but we can certainly shed some things (I think???).  I insist that our next apartment will have its own washer and dryer and that I can walk to a connected memory care unit.
      So now to unplug from family and friends here and go forward.  Getting old is all about loss I have decided.  One's body can't do what it used to, one doesn't look like one used to, and friends pass away or move away to be near their sons or daughters.  I can't imagine being without family support in this late stage of life.  I'm so grateful for all their support...priceless!

A little TLC goes a long way for a caregiver

Okay, I'm through whining, for now anyway.  Christmas was wonderful!  We were in San Antonio with family and friends.  Next to me is my dear friend, Nancy, and her husband, Robert.  Nancy and I have been friends since first grade and were sorority sisters at UT.  Mexican food is always on the agenda when we get to SA and La Fonda fit the bill.  Nancy had recently had a health crisis but is doing well and Robert has signs of dementia but we still laugh and giggle our way through life.  She is such a lift to my spirits.
This was just one of the highlights of a delightful week with our son, Chris, and his fabulous family in their fabulous house with visits from some of their fun friends.  My daughter-in-law is a wonder!  She cranks out great meals including breakfasts day after day and I really feel pampered!.  They even treated me to a wonderful massage where I walked out like a bowl of jelly but feeling like a Queen.
We toured Santa's Ranch near San Marcos...a wonder of lights with different themes. Pretty amazing and something that He-Who-Sleeps-Alot could really enjoy.  He responds well to music and lights so it was a great excursion.
Once again we toured Incarnate Word Retirement Community, this time to check out their memory care unit and a 2 bedroom apartment.  Then we went on to Brookdale Patriot Heights to do the same.  I loved a 2 bedroom apartment on the 3rd floor but it is smaller than what we have now.  Beautiful view from the balcony and 5 minutes from our son's office.  We really liked the adjacent memory care unit....a small cottage with 10 residents...a real family feeling.  Definitely worth considering.
On Christmas Eve we all went to Oak Hill Church, heard a fine message from Max Lacado, the minister, and some beautiful holiday music and singing.  Then home to a Cox traditional Christmas Eve dinner of homemade tamales and Mexican food.  Our son had found a little house on the way to Boerne that sold delicious homemade tamales of all kinds...the spinach and cheese were delicious as well as the chicken.  We were joined for dinner by another family with 3 children which added to the frivolity.
Lots of treats and surprises on Christmas Day topped off with another delicious dinner.  We gave our granddaughter something that was on her list but I had never heard of...an EcoSphere...fascinating glass globe with a plant and some teensy shrimp.  It will go on independently forever and what fun to watch!!  Her brother called it "a nerd" thing but we all were fascinated.  Then it was off to the movies and then dinner.  Whew!  Just wonderful.
We departed the next day as the family was headed to NYC for New Year's Eve on Times Square.  I came home rested and refreshed.  So grateful for all the love and pampering.
I came down with a cold or something just in time for New Year's.  Had soup bubbling on the stove and the table all set ready for my Artist Way girlfriends dinner when I developed fever and stomach upset and had to cancel.  Bummer!!!!!  Much better now, thank goodness.

But I just have to remember this gorgeous sunset in the Hill Country and be grateful that we are so blessed.  May the New Year bring joy and health and all things good to all our friends and family.