Finding a new me...wooo hooo...who is she now?

It has been a year now since your passing and it will always leave a void in my heart, a blank space in my soul.  I read over my memories of  your last days and weep but it is getting easier.  And I have come to realize that I really was feeling the loss of you years ago when Alzheimer's began its claim on you and our life together.  And I was grieving long before your passing.  In this new community of retirees I watch with compassion as I witness other wives caring for husbands no longer remembering what they had for lunch.  I know what it is like to hang on to the last threads of your partner as their memory fades.  I still lose my composure when the band plays "Can I have this dance for the rest of my life?"  It was our song and we danced to it time and time again. 

So I have filled my life with writing and activism serving as vice president of our newly formed Residents Council , a sounding board for residents and liaison with management.   I hang out with family when they are available, play cards, go out to eat, go to water aerobics, plan trips, shop online and go to doctor appointments but the longing is till there.  I try to fill it with TV and Facebook, poor numbing substitutes. 

And now a new dilemma...a man has stepped into my life, a man who describes himself as a tall, dark and handsome who can drive at night and in the rain, a definite plus with old ladies.  And he has a sense of humor, a huge hook for me as laughs are a premium asset to any friendship in my book.  I'm terrified!  Not of him, he has been nothing but kind and cautious but this new awareness of how desperately lonely and vulnerable I am is frightening.  I don't know if I can trust my judgment on anything but I do know that now for the first time in a long time I am capable of pure joy, laughter and a sensuality that was long forgotten.  And I am enjoying it.  Wow!  Who woulda thunk! 

Damn Alzheimer's!  It takes such a toll on the caregiver as well as the patient.  We lose parts of ourselves without even knowing it.  I am damn lucky to be rediscovering some.

It's Christmas time in Texas complete with snow and I welcomed the lift to my spirits.  This holiday without Ken is more difficult than I imagined.  The Christmas music starts and I get all weepy.  But there have been some delightful and joyful moments.  I love to dance and find myself experiencing pure joy dancing for the first time in a long time.  Caregiving has a way of sucking the joy out of life no matter how hard you try to make it happen.  And when joy pops in, it feels so good.

I'm trying to keep myself busy and to participate in the activities offered here at Watercrest and this month is full of them with dinners out, parties and entertainment.  But the most fun of all has been with my son and his family.  My grandson has had a banner month receiving the Eagle Scout award on the 2nd.  It was a beautiful ceremony at his church and uncles and aunts came from far away to be there for him.  I had moments of tears however as Ken had been looking forward to being there for Sam.  Perhaps he was there in spirit...I like to think so.  Ken and his twin brother were Eagle Scouts and I was able to give Sam some of his grandfather's badge cards and sash which were on display along with his uncle's. 

Tuesday night I attended Sam's induction ceremony into the National Honor Society.  So fun to be in the midst of all those smart adorable young people.  I'm a very proud Nana!  I was in the Honor Society and don't remember any kind of ceremony with it...just my name on a list.  It seems that getting into college these days is much tougher than it used to be and all these extracurricular activities make a big difference. 

Today I will go to my son's home to enjoy his big office party and maybe try to corral their puppy, Cash, somewhere.  They are expecting 100 guests which should send Cash into a frenzy.  The weather is beautiful, crisp and clear.  Tomorrow I will join other residents in honoring our management with our potluck dinner.  I have decorated my apartment in an effort to keep some semblance of the holiday around.  I'm in this "fertile void" to quote Katrina Kenison, author of my new favorite book, Magical Journey, where none of the old ways of being and doing some to work anymore. I'm giving my self permission to grieve, to cry and experience loneliness.  It is all about letting go and moving on to new beginnings.  2018 brings new possibilities and hope for more joy and wellness.  I might even learn to tango...does Santa tango?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  May your holidays be filled with joy!  I'm working on it.

Unbelievable catastrophe....

The mess in Houston is just beyond wrapping one's mind around and it ain't over.  My granddaughter is surrounded by water in Conroe but okay, thank God.  My nephew is stranded in a 4th floor loft near downtown Houston surrounded by water but okay.  But friend after friend is reporting in from flooded houses and it is still raining.  So much loss!  It will be years before Houston recovers.  Businesses closed, people can't get out their doors to go anywhere.  Rescue still going on as reservoirs overflow.  Will it ever end???
My heart is on my sleeve and I weep at every picture of people volunteering their boats to rescue, the pictures of firemen carrying women carrying babies.  I weep seeing boats sail past houses flooded for the first time ever with water to their roof tops.  It all touches that spot of my own grief over recent losses.  But then some of the tears I shed in guilty gratitude that I am not there, that I am here at the edge of the hill country with food, electricity, family and friends but wishing I could do more to help.
Please donate to the American Red Cross, the Salvation Army, the Houston Food Bank.  Thousands have lost everything.

Here comes Harvey...

I watch raindrops gather on the kitchen window as Hurricane Harvey's first band of showers rolls through and I'm overcome with gratitude that I am on the 4th floor of a lovely apartment building in San Antonio and will never have to evacuate again, that I have electricity, food and water, a refrigerator to keep food and drinks chilled and for now air conditioning.  And wine, don't forget the wine.  I still get messages from the City of El Lago with evacuation instructions...a reminder of our life there during Ike and again I am so grateful.  My heart fills as I recall how supportive He-Who was about the selling of our house and the move into Houston away from the water and later the move to San Antonio...this in spite of the Alzheimer's claiming more and more of him.  And even the thought at this point of trying to evacuate with him and get him out the door is just flat terrible...I am not sure I could have done it.  Ike was difficult but a later storm? We both would have been basket cases, angry and frustrated with each other and the whole mess.

The worst of what is left of Harvey is due here  late tonight though the wind has picked up and is strong enough now that it is difficult to open the door to the balcony.  I took the hummingbird feeder down so if the one I call Kenneth is hungry, he will just have to wait.  I am going to go play Mexican Train dominoes with friends this afternoon and follow it with a glass of wine and the community pot luck this evening.

Thank you my dearest for saving us and now me from the agony of hurricanes.  I miss you.

Nothing like a get-away....

Nothing lifts one's spirit like a weekend lakeside in the Texas hill country with family....eating great food, laughing a lot and boating.  Lake LBJ is so pretty but oh my, what a change from my memories of fishing with my dad.  Then it was called Granite Shoals and there were few if any houses on the waterfront.  Now the lakefront is populated with multi-million dollar homes for the rich and famous like Roger Staubach and former astronaut Jim Mitchell.  And lots of jet skis.
Thank you dear son and daughter-in-law for treating me to this lovely weekend.  It even included a couple of hours of puppy hugging...we ran into a pet adoption group at Save the World brewery in Marble Falls who had a litter of 11 puppies up for adoption.  It was hard to walk away from an adorable white little guy with a brown and black face but the challenge of puppy training just doesn't fit for any of us right now.

Lonely on the rocky path...

There are days as a recovering caregiver that I think I may be losing it but these are usually followed by days where I feel on top of things but lately the grief of losing my spouse, my best friend of most of my life has been grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me.  "looky here, girl.  This is it!  He's gone and left a great big void.  So now what?"
I look around this small apartment and go "what the fuck happened?"  This is not what I thought my life would be at 80.  I'm struggling to come to terms with the reality that this is the last hurrah.  This is where I will be the rest of my life.  My life seems to have become so small.  I know it didn't happen overnight...it was getting smaller with age and with caregiving, especially with the move into the first retirement community.  And now it seems just plain small.  I've left house, pets, friends, some family behind and even though I'm in a beautiful place with other women sharing the same experiences, life just feels damn small.  I see the same people every day...the same for breakfast and lunch every day.  Not that they aren't wonderful people but it is the same people.  I think a more positive thought is that they are now my family and in many ways are as caring yet dysfunctional as any family but this family is old and facing all the issues of aging that I am.  I suppose that is comforting in a way and I try to think of it that way.

I get out art supplies and try to start something but lose interest or get distracted with the next event or should I empty the dishwasher or check my email.  I can't seem to get anything written even though an occasional line runs through my head. I think of what I used to tell depressed clients: exercise, call a friend and I do those things.  But I miss that creative self that was used to looking at opportunities and saying yes.  People tell me "You are free now to do anything you want."  So where did my motivation go?   My fascination with the unknown?  I guess He-Who had my back for so long that I felt I could do most anything.  Even with Alzheimer's I felt he had my back...a ridiculous thought but still there.  I do recall when a dear friend suddenly lost her husband, she quit painting.  She was an amazing portrait painter!  Now I understand!  I get it!  Perhaps this is the darkness I need to go through to get to the other side.
I've had a wonderful trip recently to visit family who pampered me well and that experience really helped!  It was good to get out in the world for a few days and hang out with some amazing folk in beautiful Colorado.  And more travel is on the horizon, thank goodness.
In the meantime I give myself permission to be sad and lonely, really sad and very lonely and know that this too will pass.

Life at the funny farm....

Am I crazy or what?  Okay, today I am pissed but be prepared.  It's a long story.  Don't get me wrong!
 I love my new apartment in Watercrest at the Dominion in San Antonio, small, yes, but it is working.  I love the location.  I'm on the top floor facing the hills and freeway.  Each morning I am able to greet the sunrise coming over the opposite hills and see the clouds turn pink at sunset.  I am close to all kinds of shopping and have found good doctors, some I can drive to myself, others, my kind daughter-in-law steps in to drive me.  And have found the best dentist I have had ever.  I have made some friends in other residents whom I enjoy and we have a lot of laughs.  And I get to hang out with my son and his family.

BUT management here is driving me crazy!  I just can't keep my mouth shut about it.  I'm finding some residents are afraid to speak up...why, I don't know and think it must be a cultural thing.  Right away I discovered there was NO residents association here and that even the suggestion of one had been discouraged at first by the director.  But a group of us got together and formed one anyway.  I helped form the simple by-laws and was elected Vice-President at our first get together.  The purpose of the group is to be a sounding board for residents like a homeowners association and to help mediate complaints, help new residents, suggest wants and desires and sooth ruffled feathers.  As yet we have not had an official meeting as the Residents Council but the board has gotten together to handle some issues that have come up.  According to the by-laws our meetings are every other month, the first one coming up in August.  And we are pleased that several of our requests have been honored by management and we are grateful that we were heard.

We have several resident couples who have a spouse who is unable to totally care for themselves and depend on their spouse as a caregiver.  Had Ken lived we would have been one of them.  Breakfast here is included in our rent...three days a week it is a continental breakfast, Tuesdays and Thursdays bacon and eggs are served.  Several of these couples depend on a family member coming to the dining room to pick up breakfast and take it back to their loved one.  A few weeks ago a caregiver showed up as usual to do just this and was told by kitchen staff absolutely no breakfasts were to be taken out.  No warning, no explanation, just an edict from above.   It seems as though a resident was coming in a filling up a box with enough food to last for several days leaving less food available for other residents.  We agree not a nice thing to do.  The board received letters from three couples regarding this new rule explaining what a hardship it had created for them and that the director was not willing to give a solution at the time.  Some of the affected couples are afraid to speak up so brought the issue to the board after not getting any satisfaction from the director.  The board brought the matter up at a Town Hall meeting led by the director and she apologized for the way it was handled and offered an explanation and a solution...a staff person would fill the box.  So for a week or two it seemed the issue was taken care of but today the rule was in force again much to the distress of several residents who were refused breakfast to go.

But the boss of the boss was on campus today and our president of the RC managed to engage him in conversation over the issue at the lunch table.  He knew nothing about the breakfast issue and left the table with the residents present feeling assured that he felt it ridiculous and would be rectified.

Fast forward to an RC board meeting this afternoon:  We were reporting in on progress and setting the day and time for the first official meeting of the Residents Council , of which all residents are members and welcome.  We set the date and asked the Activity Director to put it on the calendar for August.  She has to clear everything with the director and reported back that we could not have a spot on the printed calendar.  What the +&$%#@?  Why?  The only reason we can come up with is that she is pissed that we discussed the problem with her boss.  What is the fear there?  I'm baffled and pissed that we get no support for these efforts.  Other retirement communities have organized regular meetings of residents by and for residents.  So we will post flyers and put them in mail cubbies which we would do anyway.  But why the opposition?

I've had enough drama in my life the last few months to last me a long time.  I give up and plan to take a back seat for a while. I'm going to bed after watching some totally stupid mindless TV.  New crown on a molar today and teeth cleaning tomorrow.  Oh goody!

Oh what a tangled web we weave!

And this is how the story ends...

Monday morning the doctor calls.  They took He-Who to x-ray to check again for pneumonia and he went into cardiac arrest.  They resusitated him and he is in ICU on a ventilator.  Chris is there, Keith and Sue are there and I'm home throwing up.  I don't see how I can get there.  The doc tells Sue to come and get me sick or no and she did.
At the hospital now are Karen, Nancy, Taylor and her boyfriend, Lance, Chris, Keith and Sue.  They got me a wheel chair and into ICU I go.  It is clear He-Who is unresponsive.  His eyes are closed and he doesn't respond when I squeeze his hand.  I am in shock...how can this be?  It is all wrong!  I tell him I love him close to his ear and pray he can hear me.  No deep breaths even with the ventilator.  We say our goodbyes and I leave the room.  The nurse brings me the papers to sign to take him off the ventilator.  It is clear that his quality of life will never be good and it is the right thing to do but so hard.  I lay down for a while in the waiting room, then go back in to say goodbye again.  The daughters say goodbye, Karen adding "Geez, Dad, if you didn't want to move, you coulda just said so."  Chris will stay until the end but sobbing I head out the door.  Keith and Sue take me home.
I don't know how to do this!  I've never been a widow!  What am supposed to do?  I think I am too sick to stay but it is so hard to leave, so hard to say goodbye.  I love you!  I love you!

He-Who not improving! February 25 and 26

I returned to the hospital Saturday morning and find He-Who quite listless.  His color isn't good and he still has the terrible cough.  He doesn't want to converse and I let him rest.  It is obvious he isn't eating much.  I call our son and give him the update and tell him I think he should come.  I am really worried!!!
At noon I try again to get him to eat.  There is shrimp on the menu, a favorite of his but I can only get him to eat a couple.  He seems to have difficulty getting anything down, even swallowing is a challenge.
I decide to go home in the late afternoon and make a brief appearance at the party.  The hospital has my number if needed.
Polly had a lovely good-bye cake for us and friends were most gracious and understanding in their goodbyes.  I am feeling worse and worse physically and crash into bed after another round of medicine.

Today is Karen's birthday.  Chris arrives and takes over for a while as by now I am really sick.  I am just too sick to get to the hospital today and if I have a different bug than He-Who's, I am afraid to expose him.  He doesn't seem any better.  The doc calls and is moving him into ICU to keep a closer eye on him.  I am so worried!  Do the new nurses know he has Alzheimer's and can't respond normally?  That he is hard of hearing and can't see without his glasses?
Pray everyone, pray!

Thursday, February 23 and Friday, February 24

He-Who is no better...has terrible cough and feels warm.  Yep--he has a temp of 101.  So off we go to Park Plaza Hospital's ER  as I feel we may get better service.  This time the ER doc seems concerned.  The decision is made to keep him overnight and get another chest x-ray.  I'm not feeling well but I stayed until he got into a room and made sure he ate some supper.  His appetite seems okay and I am glad he felt well enough to eat something.
Exhausted I headed for home and sleep.

He-Who's brother and wife came to check on He-Who.  Tests came back negative for pneumonia so the doc thinks it's just a severe bronchial infection and put him on antibiotics.
How can sitting in the hospital room all day be so exhausting?  I'm downing Vitamin C and Mucinex but am feeling worse and worse.  Polly is planning a going-away party for us tomorrow night at her house.  We just have to feel better!

February 15 and 16

I'm still not up to speed and only driving to Walgreen's around the corner and the Post Office.  Frequently I wake up at night with hip pain and just can't seem to get my energy back.  And damn!  We are preparing to move!!  I have contacted Comfort Moves and Marylynne.  She and her wonderful crew came and packed up my studio and all the art work.  The dining room is full of boxes.  Nephew Greg came for the coffee table and the big mirror in the bedroom.  That pretty much leaves our clothes and the kitchen.  He-Who has long since given up using his computer and desk so I will use his desk in our new place and give mine to granddaughter Kate.
He-Who seems to be handling it all pretty well and getting a little excited about the move.  As long as he has TV and the newspaper keeps comming and he can get to the dining room table, he's a happy camper.
Comfort Moves will come back on Monday and Tuesday of next week to finish packing.  We will go stay at Keith and Sue's and the movers are scheduled to load on Wednesday, March 1.  Yikes!  Looks like we are finally going to get to San Antonio.  I gave the Post Office our new address so it feels official.

We spent the day getting rid of more stuff and running some pre-move errands.  I played Mexican train dominoes at Polly Clark's as I will not have another opportunity.  He-Who was asleep when I got home.  I'm not feeling well--achy and have some congestion.  Ellen Orsburn wasn't feeling well either and we hops we aren't coming down the the crud that is going around Brookdale.  A couple of people have been hospitalized with it.
It's kinda weird walking around the apartment with all the boxes but it won't be long now.

Just stuff and more stuff

We have downsized once but it is amazing how much stuff one can accumulate in 2 1/2 years...along with stuff we should have left behind in the first move.  He-Who had boxes of papers from his days at NASA.  God love the man!  He caught on the the need to get rid of some of these boxes and has started going through them.  And he loves doing it!  It gives him something to accomplish.  They bring forth the memories of all his days at JSC, the books he has written, etc.  So for 2 or 3 times a week he is spending a couple of hours sorting through his boxes.  Who woulda thunk this possible!  And I am so grateful!.
It looks like I will be strong enough to move the first week of March.  I've cleared the date with Watercrest and our son.  I saw the hip doctor this week and she declared me free of PT.  Yay!  Though I will miss the sweet therapists!  He-Who will, too.  He enjoyed walking there with me.

Poster child? Ha!

It's clear I'm no poster child for recovery.  The hip is taking longer than I expected and I'm still not driving which is frustrating for us both.  At least I am able to go to more activities here at Brookdale that include He-Who.  He loves the Life Story class on Monday mornings and though he doesn't contribute anymore, I like to think that maybe hearing the stories of others he can recall some of his own.
Our plans to move to San Antonio are becoming more solid.  Our designated apartment at Watercrest at the Dominion is still not finished.  Now they are saying the end of April.  I complained loudly:  "No, no, no.  This won't work for us.  My sister-in-law and I have a big joint 80th birthday party planned for March 11 at our son's house in San Antonio.  We have been planning this for months.  Family members have plane tickets, hotel reservations, etc.  We have to be moved!"
Watercrest's Brandy Davis, the resident counselor who sold us the apartment, called and offered us a temporary apartment until ours is ready...same floor plan.  Whew!  I've been concerned that the longer the move is delayed, the harder it will be for He-Who to get oriented.  I am afraid if we wait much longer, he will need the memory care unit and I will have to go into a much smaller apartment.  At least with the same floor plan as our future apartment, I am hopeful it won't be so confusing for him.

The tapestry begins to shred

Well, it certainly has been a while, hasn't it!  So I must start back in January when life's tapestry began to shred with threads flying everywhere and as hard as I tried, I couldn't weave them back into the lovely pattern they had been.
Threads began flying back in September when my right hip became so sore and painful that I could no longer drive or walk very far.  No longer could I take He-Who-Sleeps-Alot by the hand for a walk around the community or a trip back to Clear Lake.  My children didn't want me to drive for fear I wouldn't be able to lift my right foot quickly enough.  So there went our mobility.
I went through a series of doctor appointments and shots in my back and hip and a couple of trips to the ER with sinus tachycardia and still the hip hurt and I continued to tell docs it is my HIP, not my back, that has a problem.
Meanwhile He-Who monitored the election with MSNBC going 24-7 and copies of the NY Times and the Wall St. Journal.  But with time I noticed that less and less of the newspaper was being highlighted or even read.
Finally I got a referral to a hip doctor in late December and scheduled a total replacement January 12. Of course with this plan, a plan for He-Who's care had to be put in place.  Our son came from San Antonio and took over his dad while my sister-in-law and my daughter took care of me in the hospital.  I went into a rehab hospital for a couple of weeks determined to be the poster child of hip replacement while He-Who went to his brother's home under their care.  I did the best I could to micromanage it all by phone and they were very good to bring He-Who to see me and to talk to me on the phone.
When the caregiver goes down, life becomes chaotic and disorienting for the Alzheimer's patient which presents a bigger challenge for those in charge of their care.
I was determined to go home after two weeks in rehab instead of the recommended three as I felt I needed to get home and try to get our lives as back to normal as possible whatever that had been.
AND we were still hoping to move to San Antonio SOON.

Blessing in disguise

Well God Bless!  The dumpster diving has turned into a blessing.  Now that He-Who-Sleeps-Alot has found the dumpster, we are making good use of him.  Holidays frequently occur on Mondays, our regular garbage pick up day, so on holidays we get no pick up.  He-Who does a great job now on those days of delivering bags to the dumpster, not just for us but now for neighbors.  It is so great to seem him accomplishing these tasks and he loves the walk.  AND he doesn't bring any of it back home, thank goodness.
Ya just never know, do ya?  Strange incidents can turn into blessings!
I'm reading 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows , a book about a caregiver and her spouse with Alz.  Really good...a weird kind of affirming to read that her spouse confuses the fridge and the freezer as well..  A couple of weeks ago I found an exploded beer in the freezer...what a mess!

My task this week is to keep throwing out stuff and filing papers.  Where does all this paper come from?  Mostly insurance and Medicare and why do I feel I need to keep it?  For how long?

This getting old is really hard work sometimes...

Well, Christmas has really sneaked up on us this year.  I have been wrestling with hip pain and then a week ago was hospitalized with tachycardia...a recurring problem that started with Lyme Disease years ago.  After 4 days in the hospital it seems that when I get chest congestion, it triggers the tachycardia.  Much better now but it sent He-Who into total confusion.  I arranged for some care from Brookdale from the ER but it was upsetting to him and he was still talking about it when I got home from the hospital.  I think we are over the upset now but facing another challenge.  The cardiologist has okayed my hip replacement surgery on Jan. 12.  At least I have time to set up care for He-Who.  I am relieved to finally get this hip pain resolved after months of pain, cortisone shots and physical therapy.  I kept telling the previous docs that it was more a hip problem than a back problem and at last I got to a hip specialist.  Whew!  Family is going to step in to care for us, bless their hearts, and it will put my mind at ease and able to focus on my healing to know that He-Who is being looked after by family.
Our move to San Antonio is on hold for now until I get back on my feet.  Latest report on construction completion is now the end of February.  Perfect!  God does have a way of looking after us.  I will be back on my feet and ready for the challenge.
All our Christmas shopping has been done on the Internet and today the last of the orders arrived.!  Whew again!  I love wrapping gifts and am getting excited about being with family and celebrating the birth of Jesus and new beginnings.  I even made a cake this week for the therapy staff.  Oh my, my baking skills have slipped.  I thought the batter looked very thick and after sticking it in the oven, checked the recipe again.  I had left out the buttermilk so I quickly grabbed the pan, emptied it into a bowl, added the buttermilk and back in the oven it went.  Reminder to self...no distractions, check and recheck!  We will join the Cox tribe for Christmas dinner...our tribe coming from San Antonio and Conroe joining He-Who's twin brother and his family...22 for dinner and way too much fun!  Can't wait!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my friends, family and readers.  Thank you for all your comments and support as we make our way on this long journey.

Oh my..I didn't see this coming

     Yesterday a dear friend of many years came to visit us.  She now lives in Tyler so we don't get to see each other as often as I would like.  She and her now deceased husband lived five doors down from us for nearly 18 years and she and I went to grad school together many years ago.  As neighbors and friends we got together as couple and visited back and forth and have known each others children and grandchildren.  Good, good friends!
     He-Who was doing his sweeping thing on the porch when she arrived.  I had told him to expect her and she greeted him warmly with a hug and they chatted for a few minutes.  She came into the apartment and we sat down to chat.  In a few minutes He-Who came in, said hello, put away his red broom and went into the bedroom and went to sleep.  She was gone when he woke up and I mentioned how great it was to have the visit.  He had no idea what I was talking about.  He didn't recognize her and just thought she was a friendly resident.  New marker:  some long-term memory is failing.  I was shocked!  Maybe I shouldn't be but I was.  She was almost family a long time and I just didn't see this coming.  She didn't realize he didn't know her until later when I told her.  Wow!  At least he is still the same ol' sweet friendly guy in so many ways.
     Oh and by the way,  the flatware I ordered on Black Wednesday over the Internet from Macy's is really ugly and now I have to recruit my daughter to help carry this heavy box sitting in our living room back to the store where hopefully I will find something better.  Oh well, win a few, lose a few and we can still manage with the old stuff.

Black Wednesday

No Black Friday for me but I did buy us a Christmas present on the Wednesday before.  When entertaining the last couple of weeks, I became aware that after 58 years of use the set of stainless steel flatware that was a wedding present is missing quite a few essentials...mostly spoons.  Now that the grandchildren are grown I don't have to worry that they are hauling them away to play in the dirt.  I figure 58 years is pretty good mileage and it wouldn't be extravagant to indulge in a whole new set of flatware at the pre-Black Friday big discount...Merry Christmas to us!  Now to make sure that He-Who doesn't throw a piece away.

Yesterday He-Who proudly announced he was headed for the dumpster again holding up 4 plastic wrappers with old newspapers in them.  "Great!" I said and off he went.  He returned 30 minutes later with the empty wrappers.  "So what did you do with the contents?" I asked.  "Oh, I put them in the dumpster."
"So why did you bring back the plastic wrappers?"  "Because I will need them."  Well, guess there's no point continuing this conversation as he added his handful of plastic to the pile in the corner of the living room.  It wouldn't do any good to explain that our newspapers arrive in a plastic wrapper every day giving us an endless supply.  I am concerned that he will be reprimanded for not having the newspaper bagged when thrown in the dumpster but will cross that bridge if it happens.  Harmless enough and he's a happy camper accomplishing his mission.
He's not reading the three papers we take as much anymore but spends lots of time rolling sections back up so they will go back into the wrappers they come in.  Seems like an expensive exercise so I may eliminate one of the papers but which one?  The NY Times or the Wall Street Journal?  I don't think he would miss one but who knows???

Rhonda Rollator

Meet Rhonda the Rollator whom I thought was only going to make a short visit but she is still here and working hard some days.  I'm still having a hard time accepting the fact that I need to use one of these suckers but I am better.  I can walk around the apartment all by myself.  Woohoo!Now the challenge is to get my energy back.  Whew!  I haven't driven our car but twice in the last two months and just across the street to pick up prescriptions.  Geezus!!!

New insights into He-Who-Sleeps-Alot....he wants so much to be helpful but when it came to placing Rhonda in the back of the car, he just couldn't figure out the orientation needed.  Spacial perception is all mixed up which makes me wonder what else must be confusing for him.  I know when walking at night, anything painted dark on the cement appears to be a hole to him and to be avoided.  But what else I wonder and how do I anticipate the problem?

Now that the election is over our challenge is how to occupy He-Who.  Again I am so grateful that we live in this community as there is support available.  Home Health comes 3 or 4 days a week to work with He-Who on memory and physical therapy.  He gets on a stationery bike and does balance and stretching exercises and enjoys it all.  He's not crazy about the memory exercises as it really pushes him but the therapist is delightful so he goes along.  I just wish we had started this program a whole lot sooner but there have been some changes in support therapies here at Brookdale which make it now possible.

Last week I was vegging out on a heating pad while He-Who announced he was going for a walk.  "Wonderful" I said.  About 40 minutes later he marches in grinning like a Cheshire Cat and says, "Look what I found!" and holds up a black plastic bag.  "I found it just sitting there full of stuff."  OMG I'm thinking.  "Where?"  "Over there by that big thing".  ????  With more questions I figured out he had been to the dumpster.  OMG, now he is dumpster diving.  "So what did you do with what was in it?"  "Oh, I put it in the thing."  Never a dull moment.  I am surprised he found his way to the dumpster but we had made a trip the week before.  We don't get garbage pickup on the weekend and as we were having company, we made the trip.  I can see some interesting items appearing on the horizon.

I cancelled our Thanksgiving trip to San Antonio.  I just don't want to miss my PT sessions and risk any set backs to my progress by driving there.  I am bummed out about missing a Watercrest event and being with our son and his in-laws but we will have a lovely dinner with our daughters here.
So much to be thankful for this year.  Our move to San Antonio has been moved out again...now the end of January before our apartment will be ready. Hey, what a blessing is that!  I have more time for recovery with the same docs and we don't have to go nuts during the holidays.  We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, great family and friends...so many blessings.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

A sexy pirate and a fat Wonder Woman

Looking at this, one might wonder which one of us is demented or maybe both!  Would you believe we won first prize for best costumes!  Ya gotta wonder what the competition was!  But Halloween was fun and He-Who-Sleeps-Alot had a great time and we were among the last to leave when the music stopped.
     Our lives continue to be interesting and definitely requires a sense of humor.  I am still in great pain in my knee and hip, on a walker, but hopeful the next trip to the doc will make it all better.  In the meantime He-Who is trying hard to help out which can get very interesting and at times hilarious.  I hired a helper to do the laundry and was busy when she brought the laundry cart back.  Later I looked in the cart to begin to put things away and it was almost empty with just some folded sheets in the bottom.  What?  I voiced my concern and He-Who cheerfully said "Oh, I put the stuff away except for that."  I complimented him on his industry.  Later I found pillowcases in his underwear drawer, my underwear in his sock drawer and his underwear and socks on the floor of his closet.  :)  Bless his heart!!!
     Good news!  I got him signed up for home health physical and memory therapy.  The intake nurse came this week and spent two hours giving the most thorough interview we have had in years!  And He-Who really liked her!  So therapy begins this coming week.  Yay!
     Our daughter has been a saint to drive in and take us to doctors and get us groceries and my sister-in-law is just an angel covering my early morning doc appointments and including us in other events.  He-Who's twin brother has been picking him up and taking him to a class on politics by Richard Murray at the Women's Institute every Tuesday evening.  He-Who so enjoys this and is excited to go.  Of course, he doesn't remember any of the lecture or dialogue but he has a great time and always comes home talking about how great it was.