Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Tattoos for a desperate housewife

You/ve seen them.  They are everywhere now, on so many! Some amazing art work!  the latest fashion trend if you haven’t noticed.  And as a fashionista wanna-be, I am considering getting one.  Crazy, huh, for an old lady but true.  My daughter says she’ll pay for if I decide to take the big step. I want one, a small one.
So what should the image be? From what I have observed on tattooed folk is that tattoos seem to be a declaration of love for somebody or something.  Well, I love Starbuck’s skinny hazelnut lattes and Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream.  Starbuck’s would work but Blue Bell would tell everyone why I’m overweight.  How about a butterfly, the symbol of transformation?  I have transformed into an old lady, rather recently it seems to me.
But where?  It has to be small as I don’t tolerate pain well.  Should it be in a showy exposed location or one that will surprise the coroner when he lifts the sheet?  One on the left breast might work…the left seems a bit perkier than the right as if any “perky” remains in either.  But the boobs are traveling south meaning it is no telling where the tattoo might end up...leaning over the edge of my navel or stretched out really long.  Nope, I don’t think so.
Not on my shoulder either.  I want to be able to watch it without a mirror just in case it moves.
Maybe an ankle.  Of course it would have to find an empty spot among the varicose veins.  However a very good tattoo artist could maybe incorporate the veins in the image.  A butterfly with blue-veined wings?
There is much to consider here and I feel sure my mom is watching from the beyond and is having a fit.  She told me in my teens I couldn’t pierce my ears, that only Mexicans and gypsies did that.  Once married, I couldn’t wait to pierce my ears, twice!  Didn’t she know I wanted nothing more than to become a Mexican gypsy?
I doubt that He-Who will notice unless I put it on my cheek, the cheek on my face.  I dyed my hair red once and he never said a word.  I don't think he was just being discreet.  This caregiver will do anything that gives her a little boost.  A pedicure is good but been there, done that and will do it again.  A tattoo seems a bit more daring!
Guess what!  I have discovered temporary tattoos so I’m trying them out…a dress rehearsal for the real thing.  I have a Starbuck’s cup on my right ankle resting on a blue-veined plate.  It didn’t hurt and I can scrub it off if my mother’s voice in my head gets too loud.  By Christmas I may be ready for the real thing.  Merry Christmas to me!  Mom, you can roll over in that grave again…it probably won’t be the last time.  Love you, Mom!


  1. I would be rolling over too..............Sheesh. Don't you have enough pain already?

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. And, your mother and my mother must have known each other. I had the same pierced ear argument. Nice girls just didn't do it. In fact, if you listened to my mom, nice girls didn't do much of anything!

    She's in my head right now telling me that I'm too old to wear shorts to Walgreens.

    Where are the keys? I'm outta here!