Last night there was a reading by members of the Women of the Visual and Literary Arts at Archway Gallery. I was privileged to read along with some other amazing women writers.. It was such a wonderful evening sitting in the midst of such beautiful art work and listening to the stories in prose and poem. It so uplifted my spirits to see and be seen in this group of smart, wonderful women. The wine didn't hurt either. I was first on the program...a new slot for me...and I was glad I had chosen some humorous work which was well received.
And then it was back to the Island of the Blue Hairs. Eating lunch today in the Dining Room two gentlemen joined our table, both handicapped in different ways. So as my lunching companions I have Ken who orders shrimp salad everyday ignoring the cocktail sauce and dipping the shrimp in ranch dressing. He doesn't eat the salad, only the boiled shrimp. Opposite me is some strange looking guy in a wheel chair who keeps talking about Kennebunkport, Maine making no sense. To my right is a dear sweet young man whose elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor and has just awakened after staying up late playing video games. I lost my appetite and thought to myself, "How can I keep doing this?" I realized how tired I am of being surrounded by old people, granted some are amazing and wonderful, but I am tired of walking around walkers and canes and motorized chairs and listening to talk of doctors from people who can't hear or speak so softly they can't be heard and then it's the weather and gossip about who died and why.
Okay, I'm whining but I am giving myself permission to whine, right here, up front, in view of the world with no shame. It doesn't help that my best friend of 45 years who is one of the reasons we moved here is moving to California to go into assisted living near her daughter. It is the right thing for her and I support her but I am so going to miss her and am grieving the woman she was before Parkinson's, diabetes and vertebrae that keep her in pain. And I'm missing the life-long partner that is caught up in this terrible disease called Alzheimer's...lonely but never alone, the motto of caregivers.
And damn it, I am missing my own washer and dryer! This laundry room business just sucks!
Okay...so there, the loss is here and better to look it in the face while planning some really great times off the Island and get back to journaling. You can do it, girl! Chin up! I know I will be one of them one day but Pollyanna, it's okay to have a down day every now and then.