Friday, April 1, 2016
I am still wrestling with being depressed and will talk to the doc about it. We went to Happy Hour yesterday because He-Who enjoys the music. I don't even want to go anymore. The music is so damned loud you can't carry on a conversation I guess because half the people there can't hear well anyway. Nobody says "Hey, come sit with us." I'm realizing how isolating this damn disease can be. The women I enjoy are all widows and get together in clutches and the couples get together but because He-Who doesn't interact we are seldom included unless I push for it. Am I whining??? Probably but I don't care.
I look at some of these residents and have to wonder why and how do they keep going? Would I want to keep on keeping on when I can no longer care for myself or contribute in any way other than just maintaining myself? I'm reading Diane Rehm's new book, On My Own, and it brings up so many questions about life and extending it at what cost to the person and the family.
Right now physically He-Who is in good shape and most would probably not know anything was amiss until he misses a cue. What do I mean by that? Alz people don't pick up on what would be obvious to most of us. For instance: he orders shrimp salad for lunch everyday and dips his shrimp in the Ranch dressing rather than the cocktail sauce. He eats dessert first...all this no big deal. At a Chinese restaurant large plates are placed in front of us to place servings from the platter of food ordered. He ignores the plate and eats from the platter. All of this is no big deal and I ignore it though aware that others dining with us note it. The point is that it is just some of the little cues that are missed that indicate we have a problem here. Thank God it isn't a huge one and I remain so grateful for that.
And by God, I am looking to find that joyous person I once was. Good thing I am going to visit a friend in Tyler for a few days. Whew!