Reeling and sad...what has happened to America?

      OMG, what a horror!  This terrible mass shooting has left me shaken to the core!  And certainly has a way of putting my life in perspective!  I can't imagine what it must be like to be the mom waiting outside the Orlando hospital for word on her son!  My heart bleeds for her and all the other families sent reeling by this latest senseless murder of dozens.  Why cannot we put an end to these massacres?  Why are assault rifles available to civilians or in this case, someone already on a list of suspicious ties to ISIS?  What happens to a young person to fill them with such hate?  And I can't imagine what other countries must be thinking as they observe our armed population and the arrogant, racist bully who has become one of our presidential nominees.
      My life as a caregiver seems simple in comparison and I can better appreciate the isolation and insulation we find here on this Island of the Blue Hairs.  Now my task is to prepare for the future move to another Island on the northwest side of San Antonio.  We signed a lease last week for a projected move-in the end of September or October.  How did we accumulate more stuff in the 2 short years we have lived here?
      He-Who-Sleeps-Alot had a great time last week in San Antonio at our granddaughter's high school graduation.  My daughter-in-law and a friend had a large party to celebrate and we both enjoyed meeting our granddaughter's friends and their parents and grandparents.  He-Who was quite sociable chatting with guests and I doubt anyone suspected he would not remember any of them the next day.  But he did remember he had a great time and I am so grateful for these moments of joy.  My DIL knocked herself out cooking for all of us and making sure we all got where we needed to be at the right times.  Love that woman!  I'm finding my son to be an amazing host as well and he is having such fun with his new outdoor kitchen complete with a TV...his outdoor man cave that produces delicious grilled shrimp.
      Darn my stupid back...went bizzerk the morning of graduation so I was kinda limping along but managed to make it through all 600+ grads and home again.  It isn't a new problem as I have ruptured discs in my lower back but it certainly was inconvenient and still bothers me.  My regular orthopedic doc has left the practice and I can't get into another until July 13.  I kept thinking I would wait until we moved but realize I better get it attended to ASAP.  I managed to drive home from San Antonio but have been babying it ever since with heat packs.  But again, looking at Orlando, I'm trying not to complain and He-Who is happy to do any lifting.

      He-Who had a wonderful surprise on returning home.  Four copies of the latest book, Space for the 21st Century, edited and published by his good friend, Langdon Morris, from the Aeronautical Technology Working Group that He-Who formed years ago.  It has a beautiful dedication to He-Who as a leader in aerospace...brought tears to my eyes and certainly gave him a boost.  It means so much to both of us to have his tangible legacies.
     So much to be grateful for.....we are blessed indeed.

My sweet, always gallant husband...

Alzheimer's may have taken his short term memory but he is still the gallant man who loves to help.  He is the one who charges ahead to open doors for those with walkers or wheel chairs or move a chair in the dining room to assist.
Once again more dining room humor:  A dear 95 yr old woman joined He-Who, another resident and me at a table for four.  She mouthed "I can't hear anything" and pointed to her ears.  Oh dear, the other three of us are thinking.  It seemed she couldn't talk above a whisper if she can't hear...strange.  The more she indicated that she couldn't hear, the more concerned the rest of us, especially He-Who.  She kept mouthing how quiet it was but she managed to order lunch and ate well.  I wrote on a napkin that perhaps she should contact her daughter and that we would help her do that.  "No, no," she mouthed.  "My daughter is coming.  I am fine."  She finished her lunch and left leaving the three of us debating what to do and with questions like "did she have a TIA (mini-stroke), should we go with her, should we contact the nursing staff?"  He-Who insisted we go down and report it so the nurse would go by and check on her.
That evening I went to play Mexican Train Dominoes with friends and mentioned the incident.  "Oh, she does that all the time.  She forgot her hearing aids again."  Whew!  Good grief!
End of story of life on the funny farm.

And in the Dining Room...

Geez, you just never know and it is bizarre how one makes the adjustment to life's fragility.  People appear and disappear around here so often.  Yesterday a woman at the table next to us became distressed with dizziness and shaking.  The EMTs were called and our chef stood by until they arrived, put the BP cuff on her and wheeled her out to wait for the ambulance.  She's okay, just dehydrated.  But on reflection the whole scene was pretty funny.  No one looked up and everyone just kept on eating and talking like nothing was going on around them.  We did as well...whether we are all just numbed by the frequency of these emergencies or not wanting to embarrass the woman by staring, who knows but with my weird sense of humor, I now find it funny.

The weekend menus around here are questionable and yet predictable.  Saturday, not being much of a beef eater, I took one look at the slab of roast beef and the weak group of previously frozen veggies and just couldn't eat it.  He-Who-Sleeps-Alot noted it and I just said I didn't care for it, no big deal.  So the next day on the way to the Dining Room, He-Who showed me a note pad and said he was going to write down all the things I don't like to eat.  "So what are you going to do with the list?" I asked.  "I'm just going to keep track." he answered.  "Okay, so are you going to write down all the things I like?"  "Nope, just the ones you don't like."  So off we go.  Our menus always offer a soup or salad as the first course.  Our darling waitress gave me the "don't go for the soup" sign so I declined.  He-who ordered the soup, pulled out his pad and wrote down "no soup".  I ate my lunch and later back in our apartment found the note folded up on the floor, never mentioned again.  ???? Ya just never know.

Playing catch up here, my get away to Colorado was wonderful!  My niece and her wife pampered us with delicious, incredible dinners, two trips to the wonderful Brown Shoe Store in Ft. Collins and a dinner theatre.  Granddaughter came and stayed with He-Who and they both had a great time.  She even got him out on the dance floor at the Happy Hour.  My fabulous sister-in-law suggested that we put me in a wheel chair at the airports and we whizzed through security at Hobby leaving and in Denver, more difficult on the way home at Hobby but it was made better by our nephew and his significant picking us up with bouquets and taking us to Mother's Day lunch.

Then last week we were off to San Antonio to be part of our youngest granddaughter's Senior Prom weekend which was such fun.  She looked beautiful, her date, a handsome accomplished saxophonist.  AND we visited the office of the under-construction Watercrest at the Dominion independent living facility just minutes from our son's home and put down a deposit on a corner 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment with a utility room with a washer and dryer and a wrap-around balcony with a view. And continuing care and a memory unit. Occupancy the end of September or October which is great!  I am terrified in a way about leaving family and friends in Houston after all these years but I think this is a wise decision...to go before we have a crisis and have to take what is available.  Change is coming, better get used to it.

Life at a snail's pace....

Oh dear....wrestling with high blood pressure and swollen ankles...enough distress to cancel a planned trip to San Antonio to look at a new retirement community there.  It won't be ready until August but I think it is going to be perfect!  Great floor plans and a WASHER and DRYER in a little utility room...Hallelujah, would that ever be nice!  Doc was encouraging me to go on but I'm glad I didn't!  The additional BP med knocked me for a loop!  I was in no shape to drive for sure.  Heart rate crazy and all I wanted to do was sleep.  No energy and I have to be well soon. Off the new med for now and much improved with very skinny ankles and 5# lighter. You think stress might be doing a number here?  DUH!

 I have a ticket to fly to Denver to visit my niece on next Wednesday with my SIL (our annual Mother's Day treat) so home we stayed this weekend.  I was going to leave hubby with our son's family in San Antonio while I was gone but our doc advised against it as it would be too much for hubby and disorienting.  But plans are in place for hubby to stay here with a combination of caregivers and family.  Our granddaughter is going to spend two nights and daughter will come in one day. I've labeled the remote  for the TV as it is confusing for He=Who and have glued a note with his favorite stations on it on the table under the TV.  Instructions to caregivers say leave the TV on MSNBC when they leave.  He doesn't wander (thank goodness) so he will be fine..Whew!  By damn I am going to be on that plane!!!

Last week He-Who finished his shower and came into the living room all dressed and ready to go to lunch.  The weather has been so warm here so he came in wearing the bottoms to his short pajamas.  Cute, huh, but he was happy to change.  A few days ago he came into the living room after eating his breakfast and greeted me with a warm Happy Birthday kiss...my birthday was weeks ago but hey, I thanked him and have learned to treasure these moments of sweetness.  He was quite proud of himself for remembering that I had a birthday and I am, too.

You gotta have a sense of humor...

The weekend was full of birthday celebration.  Our son came from San Antonio to help me celebrate my hard-to-believe 79th birthday.  We concluded with breakfast out at the Buffalo Grill...always a treat.  He drove us back to Brookdale and was dropping us off in the front on his way out of town.  As I opened my car door, a female resident ran up to the car holding a card and a bouquet of beautiful flowers  shouting "Happy Birthday!".  I was totally puzzled as I hardly know the woman and how did she know it was my birthday???  She took a good look at me and my puzzled "Thank you" and stepped back. "Oh, wrong person.  I thought you were my daughter Laura."  Such is life on the Isle of the Blue Hairs.

Clueless....

Yes, they are both black and there is not much I can do about that!  I've just spent a frustrating hour teaching He-Who_Sleeps-Alot how to use the land line telephone and the TV remote.  He wrote everything down and has now forgotten where he put his notes.  His anxiety is mounting over my departing for 4 days in a couple of weeks.  Lesson for me:  don't tell him until a couple of days before.  I made the mistake of taking him with me to arrange for caregivers to come while I was gone.  My thinking was that if he met with them, he would be more comfortable with the idea.  Wrong!  He can't remember the visit but does remember I am leaving but not when.  Is this a sign we are ready for memory care?  I have mounted in big font important phone numbers right by the phone.  He lost his cell phone weeks ago, no idea where it went...I've searched everywhere.  I cancelled his line as it had not been used in 3 months...he never remembered to take it with him and when he did, he couldn't figure out how to answer it.  The good news it has saved us $100 a month on our bill.

I am still wrestling with being depressed and will talk to the doc about it.  We went to Happy Hour yesterday because He-Who enjoys the music.  I don't even want to go anymore.  The music is so damned loud you can't carry on a conversation I guess because half the people there can't hear well anyway.  Nobody says "Hey, come sit with us."  I'm realizing how isolating this damn disease can be.  The women I enjoy are all widows and get together in clutches and the couples get together but because He-Who doesn't interact we are seldom included unless I push for it.  Am I whining???  Probably but I don't care.

I look at some of these residents and have to wonder why and how do they keep going?  Would I want to keep on keeping on when I can no longer care for myself or contribute in any way other than just maintaining myself?  I'm reading Diane Rehm's new book, On My Own, and it brings up so many questions about life and extending it at what cost to the person and the family.

 Right now physically He-Who is in good shape and most would probably not know anything was amiss until he misses a cue.  What do I mean by that?  Alz people don't pick up on what would be obvious to most of us.  For instance:  he orders shrimp salad for lunch everyday and dips his shrimp in the Ranch dressing rather than the cocktail sauce.  He eats dessert first...all this no big deal.  At a Chinese restaurant large plates are placed in front of us to place servings from the platter of food ordered.  He ignores the plate and eats from the platter.  All of this is no big deal and I ignore it though aware that others dining with us note it.  The point is that it is just some of the little cues that are missed that indicate we have a problem here.  Thank God it isn't a huge one and I remain so grateful for that.

And by God, I am looking to find that joyous person I once was.  Good thing I am going to visit a friend in Tyler for a few days.  Whew!

The Gift of Alzheimer's

     Many years ago I read and reread Ram Das's book, Be Here Now, about living in the present, that is really all we have.  Well, such is the gift of Alzheimer's and sometimes I'm jealous.  All there is is what is right in front of you...no future, no past.  This doesn't make it always easy for the caregiver, the one in charge of keeping life together.
     Today was a great illustration.  He-Who and I had an 11:00 am appointment with our dentist for tomorrow.  We have a long-time relationship with our dentist so continue to drive an hour, sometimes more depending on traffic, to his office near our previous home.  About 9:10 this morning the dentist office called and asked if we could come in today at 11:00 as the weather prediction for tomorrow is for severe storms and flooding.  I agreed whole heartedly as I was already concerned about traveling in such conditions.
      But He-Who was still asleep meaning I had to get everything going in high gear.  High gear is almost impossible with an Alz patient but I got him up, explained the circumstances and laid out his clothes while urging him to get into the shower ASAP.  Gratefully he complied while I raced to get showered and dressed as well.  I ran back in the bedroom to check and he was progressing.  Then I got out his medication and a breakfast drink.  He came out and was puzzled about what we were doing.  I explained again about the call from the dentist and wasn't it great that they were squeezing us in today to avoid the drive in the weather tomorrow.  By now it is 9:45 and he's checking his hearing aids...one is dead, of course, and needs a new battery.  He goes through batteries quickly because he forgets to open them when he takes them off.  So okay I change the battery, he grabs a newspaper to read and we are finally out the door and on the freeway.  Again he asks where we are going.  Again I explain.  He is perfectly relaxed and I am white-knuckled on the steering wheel negotiating the traffic.  Note to self: BE HERE NOW!
     The dentist discovered an abcessed tooth in He-Who, consulted me in the other room about it being removed and I agreed.  In a few minutes He-Who comes into see me wondering what I thought about it.  I assured him it was the correct thing to do because of the infection amazed that he was present enough to be concerned about whether to go ahead.  Nice gift here.
     There is a lesson in all of this and a gift.  I'm the one who gets her panties all in a wad when confronted with an urgent change of plans.  I'm the one who was worried about being late for the appointment when looking at bumper-to-bumper traffic.  He-Who was fine and just along for the ride.  I need to breathe deep and let be what will be and at the same time remind him to brush his teeth.  I, too, am just along for the ride.