Monday morning the doctor calls. They took He-Who to x-ray to check again for pneumonia and he went into cardiac arrest. They resusitated him and he is in ICU on a ventilator. Chris is there, Keith and Sue are there and I'm home throwing up. I don't see how I can get there. The doc tells Sue to come and get me sick or no and she did.
At the hospital now are Karen, Nancy, Taylor and her boyfriend, Lance, Chris, Keith and Sue. They got me a wheel chair and into ICU I go. It is clear He-Who is unresponsive. His eyes are closed and he doesn't respond when I squeeze his hand. I am in shock...how can this be? It is all wrong! I tell him I love him close to his ear and pray he can hear me. No deep breaths even with the ventilator. We say our goodbyes and I leave the room. The nurse brings me the papers to sign to take him off the ventilator. It is clear that his quality of life will never be good and it is the right thing to do but so hard. I lay down for a while in the waiting room, then go back in to say goodbye again. The daughters say goodbye, Karen adding "Geez, Dad, if you didn't want to move, you coulda just said so." Chris will stay until the end but sobbing I head out the door. Keith and Sue take me home.
I don't know how to do this! I've never been a widow! What am supposed to do? I think I am too sick to stay but it is so hard to leave, so hard to say goodbye. I love you! I love you!